... and ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless over you...
Last weekend I fell off the wagon with smoking. I am from 28 days reset to 5. And it's hard... I feel isolated, neglected, rude, guilty, frustrated, trapped, ... and it's all the addiction talking.
I feel like my friends who don't smoke don't get it as do the people who do smoke in my life.
I feel like a burden on Flickie, my support group- -as I am his.
I feel like... a shaken up Pepsi bottle. Something has got to give... or else I may explode. And I fear... there won't be anything to support the blast.
...maybe I'm just worrying about nothing... maybe I'm just being a big baby who wants her cigarette. Maybe I should stop obsessing and get over myself. Get on with my life. Quit pooling for attention.
But I want attention.
I want to be noticed. Helped. Told that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Told if I fuck up, it's okay. I'm not in hot water.
But it's not that simple. If one is okay, than many must be okay. And if many is okay, then I'm not really quitting am I?
I admit I have a problem... but what to do to move on? That's the tricky part. But I have to. I can't afford it. I can't rely on a commission once or twice here and there to get me through. And I shouldn't have to. You shouldn't feel like buying a commission from me for any other reason than you liking my artwork.
I apologize for previous blogs where I shamelessly asked for them. You read these blogs, you see the green boxes above my words. You know.
I'd love to host a contest to distract myself from my problems... but I usually have bad luck with them. I'll tell you the theme- -who knows, maybe my luck will change.
The theme is to draw Catt as an anthro Pokemon. Any pokemon, shiny, normal, recolored... doesn't matter. Only stipulation is that it's obviously Catt as a Pokemorph.
I already know what her Pokemorph is and plan on drawing it eventually... but I thought it'd be fun to see what you all see her as.
Whatcha think? Stupid I know...